Monday, May 29, 2006

SHOES!

This is one of the weirdest things I've seen on the internet. Very funny and potentially not safe for work due to some language content.

"Shoes" by Kelly


Mr. Dibber: [to Victor Quartermaine] Kiss my ar...
[produces his vegetable]
Mr. Dibber: ... tichoke!

The previous post's quote was from the "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle"
Freakshow = Christopher Meloni

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Create your own South Park character

This is a flash website thingie where you can use various combinations of faces, hands, clothes, eyes, skin, etc, to create your own South Park character. The only way you can save your character is by hitting 'Print Screen' on your keyboard and pasting the image and cropping it in a program like MS Paint or better...

http://www.sp-studio.de/

Here's the guy I just made:



Freakshow: It's gonna take me a while to fix up your car there, so if you boys like, you can go on inside, get yourselves something to drink, wash up, fuck my wife, watch TV - anything you want. Mi casa es su casa. Just don't do anything the Good Lord wouldn't do.

The previous post's quote was from the "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle"
Tarik = Gary Anthony Williams

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Trivia for Squiggle #57

I ate too many chili fries for lunch today... Doesn't 1403 sound like one of those old wive's tales like that you'll go blind if you jerk off? If 1403 were really true, there would be virtually no men left on the planet...and I would be there with a handful of guys to see the fall of man as I don't condone cheating in any way, shape, or form. 1417 makes me want to take a trip to the Caribbean...

1401. Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

1402. 3.9% of all women surveyed say they never wear underwear.

1403. 85% of the guys who cheat on their wives die while having sex.

1404. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

1405. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class.

1406. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38

1407. Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80
Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50

1408. Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58
Percentage of women who say they are happier: 85

1409. Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90

1410. Percentage of mammal species that are monogamous: 3

1411. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches

1412. Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7

1413. Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3

1414. Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird

1415. Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica

1416. An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.

1417. In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.

1418. February 1865 was the only month in recorded history that didn't have a full moon.

1419. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

1420. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

1421. The youngest pope was 11 years old.

1422. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.

1423. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.

1424. They have square watermelons in Japan...they stack better.

1425. When George Lucas was mixing the American Graffiti soundtrack, he numbered the reels of film starting with an R and numbered the dialog starting with a D. Sound designer Walter Murch asked George for Reel 2, Dialog 2 by saying "R2D2". George liked the way that sounded so much he integrated that into another project he was working on.


Tarik: Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, and I have two gay fathers. People have been messing with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy.

The previous post's quote was from the "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle"
Neil Patrick Harris = Neil Patrick Harris

Monday, May 22, 2006

Weekend in Review

The new Trivia for Squiggle should be up tomorrow…

As for now, here’s Scott’s weekend in review:

Friday - May 19, 2006
Friday was my Mom’s birthday. She went out that evening with my father to an expensive, fancy restaurant called Joe’s. I worked late since there was no rush to get home, ran a few errands, and went to Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner to try their new “Famous Bowl”…it’s mashed potato, corn, fried chicken nugget/strip thingies, all topped with gravy and cheese (although I opted to have it sans le fromage). I listen to a radio talk show every morning on the way to work called “Mark & Brian” on 95.5 KLOS and Brian was talking about how it was practically a heart attack in a bowl and that he couldn’t have eaten a second one even though he wanted to…see what intrigues me to try things? So when I was handed what I was hoping would clog my arteries in two seconds, I was met with disappointment as this “meal” was about the size of a standard, small disposable bowl…essentially two scoops of mashed potatoes, three tablespoons of corn, three chicken bits, and a sea of gravy to fill out the rest of the remaining space…ughh, what a disappointment…I could’ve eaten three of those with room to spare…then I decorated a bit for my Mom’s birthday before she came home from dinner…

Saturday - May 20, 2006
Went to the Renaissance Faire in Irwindale with my girlfriend Kalila (yup, Scott is officially no longer single for the time being…we’ll see how long it takes for me to fuck up here). It amazes me that that many people dress up in such elaborate, expensive medieval/pirate/viking/faerie outfits to go to this shindig…it’s like ye olde English equivalent to a Star Trek convention. I have never seen so many pushed up boobs in my entire life…many of which should not be gazed upon by human eyes…ever… Every time I walked into a shop I was greeted essentially like this: “Good day, m’lord, dost thou seek anything in particular?” Then I would stare at them like a retard for second, process what I just heard, then respond.

I ran into my friends Marcus and Jenny at the faire. For those not-in-the-know, Jenny is ex-girlfriend #1, but we’re really good friends now…and a while after our break-up she dated Marcus, and Marcus and I were already friends before that happened. When I dated Jenny and when Marcus dated Jenny, both couplings were made by Reiko, a mutual friend of the three of us. We all worked at the Ackerman UCLA store together. But getting back on track, I didn’t know they were going to be at the faire and they didn’t know I was going…and I already had plans to hang out with Marcus that night to see what turned out to be the #6 movie of the weekend:

“See No Evil” – this movie sucked ass…to me, at least. There were a lot of cool things about it…and a lot of funny things that probably weren’t supposed to be funny. The story was rather predictable and I didn’t fully understand the scatterings of hip-hop music throughout…but what really ruined the flick for me is this: some of you may or may not know that the one thing I can not stomach when watching a movie is anything involving eyes...whether they pop out of the socket, are stabbed, disembodied in some way…weeeeeeeelllllll, the killer in this movie had a thing for plucking out eyes…either when the person was dead or alive and tied up. Then he had a room where he kept all these jars where he stored the eyes. Within the first two minutes or so, the eye thing was hinted at…then a quarter of the way through it was made very apparent. If I weren’t with my buddy Marcus (who was my ride that evening), I would’ve walked out. It’s as if the people who made this movie sat in a room and discussed how far they could go to gross out Scott Murata. So, much like the movie Exorcist and quite possibly Witchboard, I will never watch this flick again.

Sunday - May 21, 2006
Went to lunch with my friend Ann…mainly to catch up (we’ve both been uber-busy lately) and to discuss tattoos (my goal is to get another one before the summer ends). Kalila didn’t go to work, so she joined Ann and I for lunch…then when Ann had to go, Kalila and I went to a spiritual book/supply store in Torrance called The Psychic Eye…cool shite… Then Kalila had to go do a massage appointment, so I spent the time reorganizing and cleaning at home and did laundry until the family’s weekly Sunday dinner which was also my Mom’s birthday celebration dinner. Kalila came back after dinner was over and we basically spent the evening watching Eddie Izzard and Reno 911! DVDs while I finished the laundry.

Oh, by the way, the new “100% natural” formula for 7UP tastes like bland, crap-ass diet soda. Thank god I prefer Sierra Mist…


Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X" - next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.

The previous post's quote was from the "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle"
Burger Shack Employee = Anthony Anderson

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Beware the Ceiling Cat...

Not 'bad,' but if you're at work you may just want to check and see if there's anyone standing behind you when you open it...

http://www.ceilingcat.com/


Burger Shack Employee: Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one... just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it!

The previous post's quote was from the "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"
Kenny Crandell = Keith Coogan

Monday, May 15, 2006

Trivia for Squiggle #56

I think this is one of the best batches of completely random, useless, factoid schlock yet. #1400 'answers' an often pondered question...I just don't have a Bible anywhere near me to 'verify' it...

1376. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

1377. A snail can have about 25,000 teeth.

1378. A snail can also sleep for three years.

1379. A starfish can turn its stomach inside out.

1380. A strand from the web of a golden spider is as strong as a steel wire of the same size.

1381. A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.

1382. Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand.

1383. The microwave oven was invented by mistake when an engineer testing a magnetron tube noticed that the radiation from it melted the chocolate bar he had in his pocket.

1384. Moisture, not air, causes super glue to dry.

1385. What separates "60 Minutes" on CBS from every other TV show? No theme song or music.

1386. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.

1387. Most boat owners name their boats. The most popular boat name requested is Obsession.

1388. An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights.

1389. The Olympic flag's colors are always red, black, blue, green and yellow rings on a field of white. This is because at least one of those colors appears on the flag of every nation on the planet.

1390. Cats can hear ultrasound.

1391. In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell.

1392. In all three Godfather films, when you see oranges, there is a death (or a very close call) coming up soon.

1393. The arteries and veins surrounding the brain stem called the "circle of Willis" looks like a stick person with a large head.

1394. Brushing your teeth regularly has been shown to prevent heart disease.

1395. If you were to spell out numbers, you would you have to go until 1,000 until you would find the letter "A".

1396. Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.

1397. Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.

1398. A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.

1399. There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.

1400. According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.


Kenny Crandell: The dishes are DONE, man.

The previous post's quote was from the "Dog Soldiers"
Spoon = Darren Morfitt

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Trivia for Squiggle #55

Here is your weekly dosage of random crap. #1375 is just a damn shame...

1351. The Pentagon in Washington, D. C. has five sides, five stories, and five acres in the middle.

1352. Point Roberts in Washington State is cut off from the rest of the state by British Columbia, Canada. If you wish to travel from Point Roberts to the rest of the state or vice versa, you must pass through Canada, including both Canadian and U.S. customs.

1353. There is an ATM at McMurdo Station in Antarctica, which has a winter population of 200.

1354. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

1355. Newborn babies are given to the wrong mother in the hospital 12 times a day worldwide.

1356. The Starbucks at the highest elevation is on Main Street in Breckenridge, Colorado.

1357. Each year, over 1,000,000 people fail to itemize out the mortgage interest deduction on their income taxes. Last year, this amounted to $473,000,000 in taxes.

1358. In 1998, more fast-food employees were murdered on the job than police officers.

1359. The lead singer of The Knack, famous for "My Sharona," and Jack Kevorkian's lead defense attorney are brothers, Doug & Jeffrey Feiger.

1360. Two very popular and common objects have the same function, but one has thousands of moving parts, while the other has absolutely no moving parts - an hourglass and a sundial.

1361. One out of three employees who received a promotion use a coffee mug with the company logo on it.

1362. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

1363. The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows.

1364. 1 pound of lemons contain more sugar than 1 pound of strawberries.

1365. The "you are here" arrow on maps is called an ideo locator.

1366. 60% of all US potato products originate in Idaho.

1367. 61,000 people are airborne over the US at any given time.

1368. A flamingo can eat only when its head is upside down.

1369. Mark Twain was born on a day in 1835 when Halley's Comet came into view. When he died in 1910, Halley's Comet was in view again.

1370. The Weddell seal can travel underwater for seven miles without surfacing for air.

1371. The longest words in the English language with only one syllable are the nine-letter "screeched" and "strengths".

1372. Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye".

1373. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" read 4:20.

1374. A baby is born without kneecaps. They appear between age 2 and 6.

1375. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.


[to attacking werewolf]
Spoon: I hope I give you the shits, you fucking wimp.

The previous post's quote was from the "Star Wars" movies
Chewbacca = Peter Mayhew

Thursday, May 04, 2006

This is what happens...

...when a big bag of money comes into the picture.

From mtv.com:
Three Original 'Star Wars' Films (Finally) Coming To DVD — But Not For Long


Chewbacca: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh

The previous post's quote was from "Airplane!"
Rumack = Leslie Nielsen
Ted Striker = Robert Hays

King Tut's Penis - FOUND!

Well, we can all sleep peacefully now that we know where Tut's schlong is...

King Tut's Penis Rediscovered


Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

The previous post's quote was from "Doom"
Sarge = The Rock/Dwayne Johnson

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Eau de Play-Doh, anyone?

You just have to see for yourself:

Demeter Fragrance


And in honor of it being The Rock's (Dwayne Johnson's) birthday today, here's another quote from...you guessed it...DOOM:
Sarge: Kill them all, let God sort them out.

The previous post's quote was from "Doom"
Corporal Dean Portman = Richard Brake

Monday, May 01, 2006

Trivia for Squiggle #54

Who's ready for their weekly dose of random crap? YOU ARE! Hehehe...behold, it's this week's Trivia for Squiggle!

1326. Toto was paid $125 per week while filming the "Wizard of Oz".

1327. Fidgeting can burn about 350 calories a day.

1328. To help reduce budget deficits, several states have begun reducing the amount of food served to prison inmates. In Texas, the number of daily calories served to prisoners was cut by 300, saving the state $6,000,000 per year.

1329. The only member of the band ZZ Top without a beard has the last name Beard.

1330. Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan carries the designation M - 1, named so because it was the first paved road anywhere.

1331. Montpelier, Vermont is the only state capitol without a McDonald's.

1332. Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.

1333. The little hole in the sink that lets the water drain out, instead of flowing over the side, is called a "porcelator."

1334. The wingspan of a Boeing 747 jet is longer than the Wright Brothers' first flight.

1335. Ted Turner owns 5% of New Mexico.

1336. The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth 2 moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel fuel that it burns.

1337. It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is "shake" and the 46th word from the last word is "spear".

1338. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

1339. 65% of Elvis impersonators are of Asian descent.

1340. More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.

1341. Burt Reynolds was originally cast to be Han Solo in the first Star Wars film. He dropped out before filming.

1342. Pope John Paul II is the world's Scrabble champion in the over-70 category.

1343. Pope John Paul II was named an "Honorary Harlem Globetrotter" in 2000.

1344. Maine has no venomous snakes.

1345. There are only three types of snakes on the island of Tasmania and all three are deadly poisonous.

1346. If you stretch a standard Slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long.

1347. The strength of early lasers was measured in Gillettes, the number of blue razor blades a given beam could puncture.

1348. The drive-through line on opening day at the McDonald's restaurant in Kuwait City, Kuwait was at times seven miles long.

1349. Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an Oscar with "Midnight Cowboy." Her entire role lasted only six minutes.

1350. There is an ATM at McMurdo Station in Antarctica, which has a winter population of 200.


Corporal Dean Portman: You know, Kid, it's funny. A couple of days ago I asked Sarge for a little pussy. The next day he brought you onto the team.

The previous post's quote was from "Resident Evil"
Red Queen = Michaela Dicker