The Score: Scott 1, Stupid Cartoon Dog 0

Currently listening to: "(Nothing But) Flowers" by Talking Heads



...and the rest of Strawberryland shall follow suit...

I'd just like to state here at the beginning that I have no pictures of the account that is to follow...there was no time...it was a spur of the moment massacre...besides, if some retarded five year old were to see images of what transpired, I'm not ready to pay the therapy bill for it...

So we had this four foot tall Pupcake (one of Strawberry Shortcake's pets and the dumbest cartoon dog in existence) in our lobby at work. It was in the Rose Parade or something of that equivalence a few years ago...and seeing as how it was made mostly out of organic materials, it's been getting rather funky and today was the day they decided to chuck him... So I'm at my desk doing paperwork of some sort when I hear my name called from down the hall. I had no idea they were planning to get rid of it and when I found out the plan I knew my day had come.

I've been dreaming about punching the shit out of this thing since day one of working here. It sucks coming in every morning and leaving every day having that damn dog stare at me...mocking me... The guys throwing it out had it on rollers and were ready to get it the Hell out of the building that very minute...so I went with them and we took it down to our parking structure and mutilated the fucker. I got first crack at it and did indeed punch Pupcake in the eye...and I hit him hard...cut my hand, too, but I didn't care...must've been because of all that adrenaline and hatred flowing through me. What followed afterwards was, well, let me paint you a picture: four grown men with boots on with two of us packing blades (boxcutters, of course) trying to behead this steel-framed, coconut-crusted giant lawn ornament. We slit its throat area with our blades but also stomped the head in several times to try to get it to come off...but to no avail...the somewhat disembodied head was held on to the body by a steel rod spine...alas... We kicked his ass, though...

So I wound up with a bloodied hand, my right ankle hurts from the football-like punt I attempted while two other guys held Pupcake in place, and the pants I just washed are filthy from all the foam dust and coconut bits (or rather, Pupcake's sweet sweet blood)...but it was so worth it...in all my nine months of working at DIC, that was THE highlight of all my time at this company and a memory I will treasure forever...

And while we weren't able to decapitate the mutt completely, we were able to break an ear off, which I kept as a trophy...and I've sort of affixed it in a cape-like way on the mannequin (her name is Angie) at my desk here at work...

Today was a good day...